Leibster Award

I've been nominated for a Liebster Award by the fantabulous Nomad Seeks Home.

Now before you all get carried away, like I did, thinking of glittering award ceremonies, cocktail dresses and gushing speeches this is more of a chain letter linking to lots of other blogs. But it involves listing and nosiness so I am in!

The deal is:

• post 11 facts about you.
• Answer the 11 questions set my your nominator.
• Nominate and link to 11 blogs with fewer than 200 followers. Like Nomad Seeks Home I've gone by Bloglovin followers. 
• Set 11 questions for your nominees.
• And an important one for me - remember to let your nominees know you've tagged them

11 facts about moi

1. Caffeine is my friend. And also the reason that I am able to function at all before 11am.
2. I am a complete night owl and hate getting up every single morning. Ideally I would sleep until noon and not go to bed until 5am. Unfortunately, the school run clashes with this way of life.
3. I can't spell for tofie toffy toffee and still have to repeat b, bat then ball or d, drum then stick if I'm tired.
4. Despite my crappy spelling and dyslexic tendencies I'm a passionate hand-writer. All my blog posts are drafted in a notebook. I can't think properly at a computer screen and am far too easily distracted by twitter and pintrest. 
5. I am the proud owner of a scary long term memory. I have crystal clear memories right back to getting a scooter for my 3rd birthday. Short term is not so reliable and names never stick.
6. Still searching for spirituality. I've explored Christianity, Paganism and Buddhism. Still looking.
7. I have tried (several times) to have serious apocalypse planning discussions with g. His refusal to contribute means he's is an integral part of my plan - zombie bait!
8.  Despite making tonnes of them I hate cup cakes. I have an alternative name that I probably shouldn't tell you here, but it starts with the same first 2 letters!
9. Oh I swear like a sailor. Most of the time I reign it in for the sake of children and my mum. But when I get excited, cross, nervous, etc the air goes a bit blue.
10. I am a champion level procrastinator.
11. I hate coconut. I can tolerate coconut milk, but desiccated coconut is, as far as I'm concerned, the devil's dandruff. The smell of coconut, especially hair products makes me nauseous. 

Nomad Seeks Home's questions answered

1. What's number 1 on your bucket list?
   I don't really have a bucket list as such but I really want to do Christmas in New York. Elf style.
2. Why did you start blogging?
   I've always written. Blogging is about pushing me out of my comfort zone and seeing if anyone can make sense of my ramblings.
3. What's the most beautiful location you've ever found yourself in?
   Last year we holidayed on the Isles of Lewis and Harris in the Outer Hebridies. It was spectacular, see below...
4. Who dropped the screw in the tuna? If you can't answer this then your not around my age, ha ha.
   Google to the rescue. Kenan and Kel. I am obviously an auld bird, because I still have no idea what this is all about.
5. What is your perfect snack?
   Maltesers
6. Sweet or savoury?
   Sweet. I keep trying to quit sugar and falling of the wagon into a packet of maltesers.
7. What is your dream job?
   Published writer.
8. Celebrity crush?
   They haven't changed in nearly 20 years! Johnny Depp and Ewan McGregor.
9. Vintage or new clothes?
   I love the idea of vintage but never find anything fabulous. I compromise with new vintage Lindy Bop or Tiger Milly are current favourites.
10. What is your favourite book?
    Witch Light by Susan Fletcher
11. Have you been to any blogger events?
    Nope, am a newbie and finding my feet first.

My nominees are

Bead it and Weep
Cupcake Mumma
Duck in a Dress
Flat Out Glasgow
Foodie Historian
Glasgow Dragonfly
Glasgow Mummy
Hungry Squirrels
Olive Dragonfly
Plastic Rosaries
Smart Creative

My 11 questions are

1. What was your proudest moment?
2. When was the last time you cried and why?
3. What are you currently raving about?
4. What is your favourite/spirit animal?
5. What's your guiltiest pleasure?
6. What would make it as your weirdest superstition or ritual?
7. Excluding people or pets what would you rescue if your house was on fire?
8. If you don't recognise the number how you answer the phone? Do you have a posh phone voice?
9. What was your last google search for?
10. Where do you write?
11. Lets get materialistic, what have you spent a fortune on and never regretted even one shiny penny of it?

Published

Hemihelp are a charity supporting young people and their families with a hemiplegia.  Smudge was diagnosed with hemiplegic cerebral palsy when she was 2.  Her case is mild. We don't for a second take for granted that she is so very lucky compared to many of the children who share this diagnosis. However, smudge does have a body that doesn't always do what she wants it to. What her friends can do. She fights to keep up and because she's 8 we all bear the brunt of this fight.

Hemihelp asked if I would like to write an article on coping with stress. It took me an age. Possibly because I never feel that I actually manage to cope with stress. Most days I feel like I'm riding a wave. Some days I'm on a surf board channeling Point Break. Then others I'm caught in a rip tide struggling to stand up and snorting sea water out of both nostrils. 

Despite this I managed to write and they published:-

Looking after yourself

Finding time for oneself in the stress and challenges of daily life is not always easy. After taking a moment to think about her own needs, Sarah Macpherson feels better prepared to deal with her daughter's sometimes challenging behaviour.

With all the physical issues hemiplegia raises I sometimes forget that it is caused by brain injury and as such can have an impact on behaviour. My daughter's physical issues are relatively mild but her temper is not. It is hard to admit that my funny, kind, lovely wee girl flips and behaves horribly.

She tends to keep her most spectacularly impressive displays for just her dad and me. She can hold it together to function at school, has wonderful relationships with her doting grandparents and is a credit to us when we take her out and about. However, at home, where she feels able to let go, things can get a little stressful. 

We have found that getting her to drink through a straw when she is mid meltdown has a magic effect, instantly calming her. Although we can't have her wandering around with a straw permanently stuck between her lips.

Her reactions to seemingly innocent requests or instructions and resulting behaviours are part of her condition. Like with her affected hand and foot, there isn't going to be a magic pill to make it better. So I need to deal with it. I need to not react to her demands for a fight, to refuse to let the rudeness or cheekiness get to me and to keep reminding her that she is loved no matter what her hemiplegia throws at her and us.

I keep a mental score card in my head. When I keep my calm and don't rise to the bait I win, when she elicits a reaction my daughter wins. I still lose too many points, but I win overall and this helps me feel a little better when she gains a point.

To keep doing this I need to be on top form, I need to be strong. I need to find ways of managing the stress and to always remember that sometimes in order to best look after my child I need to take the time to look after myself and enable my husband to do the same.

I'm not pretending that this is easy, in fact it seems to get harder the more challenging her behaviour is. When she is particularly adrift I struggle to muster the energy for anything other than slobbing on the sofa watching mindless TV. But when I look after myself it helps, I feel more capable, energised and more determined not to let her win even a single point.

I have tried to find the answers at the bottom of a packet of Maltesers but unfortunately I know that eating healthily has a positive impact and that if I want to have the energy to remain calm I need to fuel myself properly. Happily, I've worked out that if I'm pinny clad in the kitchen I get peace. Even my incredibly stubborn 8-year-old can't argue with the logic of me being busy when I'm stirring a risotto, she's permanently hungry so letting me cook might be accused of selfishness.

Then there's the sleep issue. My first reaction to stress is to completely lose the ability to fall asleep, which then turns me into a wreck running the gauntlet of my emotions. I try to make time to go to a weekly yoga class and have been dipping my toe in the water with mindfulness, a type of meditation using the Mindspace app on my phone. It takes only 10 minutes and that quiet time makes my head a calmer and sleepier place at bedtime.

My husband and I both take the time to focus on our hobbies. I work in some time to read and to write; it might not sound like much but I need that brain activity to keep me sane in a world of packed lunches, lost socks and menu planning. It's hard to have the discipline and the self-control to walk away from the chaos of family life; but what a difference it makes.

For my husband it means taking his beloved bike out for a 50 odd mile cycle. When he works shifts, and isn't always about at weekends, it can be hard to remember that he needs this as much as we need him. When he arrives home sweaty and disgusting, with a massive smile on his face, all reservations about him losing quality family time are lost.

Quailty family times means that both parents need to be in a place where they can appreciate it, and for us this means remembering that occasionally we have to put our own needs first.

Malteser justification

Missing - one mojo. If found please return to the human sloth slumped in 'her' armchair, binge watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and probably snacking.

I was doing so well with cutting out sugar. I was loving writing lots and blogging away. I'd even been reading up a storm, powering through the books.

Then I stopped. 

I didn't get distracted and move on to something new. I've just entered a semi-comatose state.

I blame g. He's buggered off on holiday without me. He's actually on an intensive training course down near that London. But let's face it anywhere with food you don't have to cook yourself and no children is a holiday camp.

Me, bitter? I have no idea what you are talking about.

So while he is having a lovely time sending me what's apps of white deer in the grounds of the spectacular estate he is slumming it in. I am keeping the home fires burning. Keeping our child alive, dog walking, house stuff and the vain attempt to stop devil puss decimating the local sparrow population. Sometimes all at once.

This morning I went into the kitchen to get smudge breakfast. It ended in multi-tasking. 

I prepared a nutritionally balanced breakfast for my child - yep opened the box of frosties poured into a bowl and added milk, whilst educating her on avian biology using the sparrow remains on the door mat as a learning aid. I disinfected the floor, made a packed lunch, set the washing machine to wash the door mat - again! And combined washing the other bits of dead sparrow off the dog, who rolls in the bodies, with giving the garden a water. 

I didn't get any breakfast. I made myself a smoothie to drink on the way to work but forgot to take it with me and it spent the day making a lovely dark ring mark on my TV unit.

Is it any wonder I'm not feeling particularly energised or invigorated? These maltesers aren't a snack they're medication. I'd still be sugar free if I could buy valium in Asda!

Talents - What makes me awesome?

I'm pretty sure that I'm not unusual in that when faced with this prompt from #BEDM I baulked and immediately started thinking of all the things I consider myself to be utterly crap at. This list includes:-

• deadlines
• knitting
• victory rolls
• exercise
• resisting the urge to eat all the maltesers
• graciously accepting compliments

But then I thought sod it. It's ok to shout about your talents. I will always shout a little bit louder about my failures than my successes, its just the way I am. But I'm not going to pretend I'm not proud of my baking. I make no apologies for the fact that my carrot cake stands head and shoulders above any other carrot cake I have eaten. Trust me this is extensively tested.

My milkshake might not be anything to write home about but my cupcakes well, they will bring all the boys to the yard. Girls are welcome too. 

So ignore the above list. No-one cares if I'm running late with my hair looking like a bird has nested in it. I'm brining cake with me and am well worth waiting for. Well my cake is.

Wish list

I'm a list maker. I use wunderlist on my tech, but my favourite is obviously a pen and papery list. Bulleted with little stars, beautifully handwritten and space for a big tick when the task is complete. Making me far happier than it really should.

I list everything. From things that area already overdue to books I want to read. Last night in the midst of a healthy eating wobble rather than heading to the kitchen to binge on smudge's left over easter eggs I wrote a list. A muckle long list of all the food I wanted.

It was actually a really useful exercise. It was fun admitting I wanted maltesers, chip butties and jammy donuts. Especially without the guilt of actually eating them.

I use lists to calm me. During Tuesday's pity party listing featured. Two great big lists. One of things that make me smile, one of things that make me cry. The smile list was lots easier to write so I took comfort from that. But mainly I took comfort from the scratchy noise of my pen on the paper and the sense of achievement I always feel filling a page.

Since I'm a list maker extraordinaire it won't come as a surprise to learn I've used goal setting lists for a long time. I love looking back months down the line to see that normally I've done pretty well. At least with the realistic ones!

If writing in a notebook is powerful then maybe putting that writing out into cyberspace will make it supercharged. So my current goals are:-

• Celebrating Christmas with 2 children this year.
• Reading 50 books in 2014.
• Spending my birthday comfortably wearing the size 12 jeans hanging in my wardrobe. 
• Getting paid for my writing. 

Healthy Living - Quitting Sugar

I mentioned in a previous post that I'm in the process of quitting sugar. Seeing that todays #BEDM prompt was Healthy Living it seemed a grand idea to give a bit of an update.

I FEEL AMAZING!!!!!

Getting here has been less that fun. Headaches, stomach cramps, killer drooth* and irritability. By irritability think of an insomniac, pmt-ing grizzly bear with a hangover and you still aren't close to what my poor husband has had to endure. Then all of a sudden I felt ok, actually not just ok, amazing.

I'm able to get out of bed in the morning without hitting snooze 7 times. I have more energy, I'm not actually doing anything with it but it's nice to have. My tummy has shrunk. I've lost 3lb. So I already look better. Of course that feeling has me standing up just a little bit straighter too. 

The odd thing is that my appetite has shrunk so that I'm having to remember to eat. Now being as that I have used this sentence to mock people horribly in the past I don't make this confession without feeling like a bit of a tit.

Last night when I shared a packet of maltesers with g I did it knowing what I was doing. Fully conscious that this was a treat. I'm not planning to never eat sugar again. I just don't want my entire day dominated by my need to work out where my next fix is coming from.

I even resisted lovely looking cake today. I wonder how long I'll remember that I like the way I feel more than I like cake?

*Drooth - a dry thirsty mouth - we Scots got all the best words!